The Real Deal

(In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit I'm an unapologetically HUGE baseball fan. It is by far my favorite sport. I watch from opening day to the last out of the Series. Most people find the game boring. But most people don't read books either. So take their opinions for what they are worth. My Cards are are on the table.)

Everyone is entitled to their opinion no matter how stupid it is. But when it comes to sports I feel like people love to become narrow minded. Sports are very emotional and that means rational thinking goes straight out of the window. For example, people talk about how long baseball games are, but what they don't mention is football games are every bit as long. (Three hours. I swear. You can time it.) AND they have commercial breaks every four and half minutes. Watch a game with no prolonged drives. It's unbearable. Punt. Commercial. Three and out. Punt. Commercial. Repeat. But this is another post all together.

Anyway, if I were a better blogger, I would have told you 8 weeks ago about the best playoffs in all of sports - The Stanley Cup playoffs. I don't care if you're black or white, 8 or 80, blind, cripple or crazy you have to admit this. It is nonnegotiable and not up for argument. This is a time when you ARE NOT entitled to your ridiculous opinion. You stupidity would be a travesty akin to arguing who was the best Bond or the perfect temperature for a steak (medium rare - I don't give a fuck if you don't like blood.). It's only acceptable to have a differing opinion if you've never watched the Stanley Cup playoffs. Maybe reading this will get you in the spirit to watch next April. Or maybe it will inspire you to come up with an argument against this. If so, go ahead, we all know you can't fix stupid. Without further ado -

Why The Stanley Cup Playoffs Are The Shit

1. Lord Stanley's Cup
Every man to ever play on a team that has won the Cup has his name on the trophy. And they've been playing for it longer than there has been an NHL. It is the game's history. Not a championship they made up. (Hello, Super Bowl!) And every player gets the Cup for a day - to do whatever he wants. 'Nuff said.

2. You Get Knocked Down, You Get Up
No flopping in hockey. This is the sport with the Gordie Howe Hat Trick. Flopping would probably cause your teammates to beat that ass. Yeah you, Tony "Bitch Ass" Parker. You've been put on notice.

3. Picking Up Pace
Unlike other sports where the post season is status quo (you run what you brung, although, I admit, with higher intensity), the NHL speeds up. Less holding, fewer penalties and no fights. It's a skill game in the spring. Imagine the Lakers running nothing but fast breaks or the Giants throwing bombs exclusively. Welcome to playoff hockey! Speaking of pace, they play EVERY OTHER DAY for two months. Name another sport that has that kind of grind. The NBA playoffs start at the same time and last two weeks longer.

4. Playoff Beards
These guys are rocking busted teeth, black eyes and nappy beards - and proud of it. No GQ cover boys. No media circuses about sprained ankles or supermodel girlfriends. No pitchers banging Alyssa Milano. Beards, balls and business it's the hockey way.

5. No Crybabies Or Pussies
Hey Timmy Duncan, un-bug your eyes and play ball. T.O., shut the fuck up and run your fucking route. And Schilling, you pitched with a sore ankle - boo-hoo. All these guys do is skate and grind. No arguing calls. No histronics. This spring, I watched a guy with an already broken nose get hit in the face with a puck... and stay in the game. I mean he left the ice to stop the bleeding walking, like a man. Nothing like this. I'm just saying.

6. PRIDE
Most guys in the NHL never dreamt about being millionaires or superstars. I mean, they knew they could make a living playing a game they loved, but hockey is different. Most of the guys come from countries where hockey is the national pastime. And The two biggest things in hockey are the Stanley Cup and Olympic gold. Every great player plays for his nation. The NHL stops the season for the olympics. These guys consider it an honor to play for their countries, not a burden. And every guy want his name on Lord Stanley's Cup too. It's the greatest achievement in the game. And it's the best tournament in sports.